To whom it may concern:
I am unable to come into work today because I fell off a cliff. Albeit a fall into water, nonetheless I feel I would be completely unproductive given the sheer levels of enjoyment experienced not 24 hours ago. I would sit at my desk, reminiscing over how I could be spending the day soaking in the sun upon the warm, granite rocks, listening to the soothing sounds of the waterfall across the lake, the liquid silver pouring down its cliffs the life blood of the pool at its base, feeding the sensation that I was upon some distant land where all was well and work-free. I would remember how, from a drive straight into the heart of the east, passing the properties of The Wilds, we reached a turn that simply told us to “turn right, the name “Nkwe” emblazoned underneath. We did so, thus starting possibly the most intense day that has ever been had by anyone, at any time, ever. Upon arrival, we set up a day-camp, full of food and folly. It was around this time that it was suggested, a dare upon us, that we take the plunge off the steep cliffs that surrounded the lake itself. It was challenge that none of us could refuse, and after disregarding the “wait an hour after eating before swimming” rule and accepting the insane amount of heartburn we would soon be experiencing because of it, we strode boldly, as bold men stride, towards the rock face, and proceeded to climb the natural edifice, as bold men climb, flexing every muscle as hard as we possibly could in our pitiful (yet strangely successful) attempts to impress the young ladies that were watching our ascent. This act of manliness was somewhat lessened by the fact that, upon reaching the summit of our arduous climb, child-like whimpers escaped our lips in realising the height from which we were expected to jump.
Now, in a brief interlude, my dear, dear boss – who, may I say has been doing fabulous job, as bosses do, in making sure that we all understand our roles in playing our part of the things where we do the stuff – how would expect to function had you experienced a day such as this – and this was but a third of what happened, such are is the experience when encountering the natural amenities of The Wilds.
I reiterate the futile-ness of having me come into the office today. You see it took a lot of emotional energy in braving that jump – for once we were at the top, completely within everyone’s line of sight, we could not back down, lest we faced taunting barbs upon our descent on foot. No, we had to jump – and jump we did. With our hearts in our throats, the plunge was taken. The entire journey to the bottom only lasted about three seconds, yet it felt like an eternity. The feeling in my stomach? – that’s what I’d be flashing back to as sat in my office chair and stared blindly at my computer screen, the ways of the work place but a vague concept within my otherwise distracted mind. The beauty of the surrounding area? That’s probably what I would be thinking about during the lunch break. The feeling of utter elation experienced for the duration of our stay? That’s what I be zoning out to at the board meeting. And with the aforementioned energy spent on having the time of my life, I think I’d decide to take a nap at some point – much to your displeasure of course, so I think it’s best that we avoid all the unpleasantness altogether in seeing me stay home, sleeping in late, most probably dreaming about the times that were had.
Strange, how close we found ourselves to the great enclosed neighbourhoods of the east, such was the feeling of separation from all that was urban and modern. It was though some one had turned off the daily sounds that I had become so accustomed to, and replaced them with an ambience that one is surely to find in on the other side of the pearly gates, the lack of anything reminiscent of the 21st century being utter bliss - the only car in sight was mine, parked upon patch of smooth grass just atop the hill. As for the safety factor? So peaceful was the area that security, in its passive form, was surely of the same level, the highest level, comparable to that of the security at The Wilds. The land in which I found myself was utterly breath-taking.
And so, boss of mine, you understand why I will not be available today? The fact that staring out of an office window does little to compare with the sights and sounds that were experienced recently will not do. I am calling in sick. And, that failing, I am calling in dead.
Your Editor in Chief.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get out of a day at work.